Well, I got a call from the doc's office the other day, and it turns out that our insurance carrier does not cover any bariatric procedures. This in a word, blows.
I'll be honest, this revelation really upset me for a few days. It's difficult to see that light at the end of the tunnel, only to watch it fade away as it moves in another direction. I suppose I need to ask myself a very important question now... where do I go from here? I still need the surgery, I think... as every other weight loss method I have tried to apply myself to has failed thus far. Problem is that the procedure costs twelve thousand freaking dollars!
I simply ain't got that kinda money, kids.
The options as it stands right now:
1)Give up. I doubt I'm going to do this, but it needs to be on the table... If I do, then what about the message from the future? was it real? I was so convinced just a few weeks ago.
2)Finance the procedure somehow. Either with a medical loan (that have 10 percent interest rates) or by borrowing against the wife's 401k and stock options.
3) Find another way. I could borrow a hundred dollars from everyone I know... that would almost cover it.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
The seminar
Well, Thursday night, Silverfox and I attended a seminar given about the weight loss surgery that I'm thinking of having, given by a doctor that was recommended to me. It mostly consisted of information that I have already researched online, or gotten from friends, but it did give me the chance to ask a few pointed questions that I had.
One of the more interesting things I found out is that a large part of the "journey" that Silverfox and my other friends went through... (including visits to a psychologist, mandatory support group meetings) are not required by the doctor, but by the insurance company. I guess that our insurance carrier had always been good to us, but I admit that I don't like the concept of having to jump through hoops to get this surgery that I'm realizing more and more that I need.
The next step is that the doc's office will be contacting the insurance company to see if I qualify for the procedure to be covered, and what other requirements the insurance company might have for me.
One of the more interesting things I found out is that a large part of the "journey" that Silverfox and my other friends went through... (including visits to a psychologist, mandatory support group meetings) are not required by the doctor, but by the insurance company. I guess that our insurance carrier had always been good to us, but I admit that I don't like the concept of having to jump through hoops to get this surgery that I'm realizing more and more that I need.
The next step is that the doc's office will be contacting the insurance company to see if I qualify for the procedure to be covered, and what other requirements the insurance company might have for me.
Monday, September 13, 2010
This past weekend
I got to meet up with a close friend that recently had the surgery I've been looking into. He's two weeks post op, and has already lost nearly 80 lbs between the pre-op diet and loss since the surgery. He told me that he's having trouble adjusting to the new portion sizes, and he was surprised at the amount of nausea he had right after the surgery, but other than that, it's been a really positive and pain free experience for him so far. He's already on soft solid foods like catfish and baby food, and feels really confident about his decision to have the surgery so far.
I confided in him that I was looking into the surgery myself, and we talked a bit about what the weight loss would really mean in our lives. For him, he's already noticed that he feels healthier, and moves around easier, but he's looking forward to being able to shop in normal clothing stores for the first time in over twenty years.
I thought about it a bit, and here are the ways that I can see my life would immediately change if I dropped just a quarter of my body weight (roughly 125 lbs):
I would no longer fear armchairs.
I would be able to go on Roller Coasters with Short Stuff.
I'd no longer have to check the weight capacity on ladders.
I would no longer need the CPAP machine for my sleep apnea.
I'd worry less about hurting my wife when we're intimate.
I'd be able to sit in a folding chair without it collapsing.
I'd be able to keep up with the kids on the playground (still too heavy for the swings).
I'd get better gas mileage.
I wouldn't sink into the sand on a beach.
I wouldn't need a crane to get me up off the floor when i play with the boys.
I'd fit into a lot of the cool shirts I see online that don't come in my current size.
I'd have more options when costuming at conventions.
I'd worry less about hurting others in a crowd.
I could fly on a commercial airline.
And those are just off the top of my head. I'd hate to think how many other small ways my life will change that I'm not even considering because i'm just used to being this big. My seminar is thursday. I'm really looking forward to it at this point.
I confided in him that I was looking into the surgery myself, and we talked a bit about what the weight loss would really mean in our lives. For him, he's already noticed that he feels healthier, and moves around easier, but he's looking forward to being able to shop in normal clothing stores for the first time in over twenty years.
I thought about it a bit, and here are the ways that I can see my life would immediately change if I dropped just a quarter of my body weight (roughly 125 lbs):
I would no longer fear armchairs.
I would be able to go on Roller Coasters with Short Stuff.
I'd no longer have to check the weight capacity on ladders.
I would no longer need the CPAP machine for my sleep apnea.
I'd worry less about hurting my wife when we're intimate.
I'd be able to sit in a folding chair without it collapsing.
I'd be able to keep up with the kids on the playground (still too heavy for the swings).
I'd get better gas mileage.
I wouldn't sink into the sand on a beach.
I wouldn't need a crane to get me up off the floor when i play with the boys.
I'd fit into a lot of the cool shirts I see online that don't come in my current size.
I'd have more options when costuming at conventions.
I'd worry less about hurting others in a crowd.
I could fly on a commercial airline.
And those are just off the top of my head. I'd hate to think how many other small ways my life will change that I'm not even considering because i'm just used to being this big. My seminar is thursday. I'm really looking forward to it at this point.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Finding more information
Well, after convincing my wife that I haven't lost my mind... I went about starting the ball rolling toward having the surgery. For me this quest started on the internet.
One of the things I was immediately struck by was the barrage of information that hits you when you do a search on "weight loss surgery" on google. Literally thousands of sites and ads come up, very few of which were actually telling me information I could use, like what doctors in my area I need to seek out or what the next step from having an interest in the surgery is.
Fortunately, the ever-incredible Silverfox was there for me in my moment of need. My wife went through a full-on gastric bypass years ago, primarily because she was having trouble conceiving children. One of the side affects of the surgery is that it basically forces your body to reset your hormone levels, and in Silverfoxes case, it totally worked. Short stuff was born a little over a year after the surgery.
"The first step," Silverfox told me, "Is to attend a seminar about the surgery. Then if you are still willing to go through with it, they have you meet with a psychologist, and with a support group of people that have had the surgery."
So I narrowed down my search to "Weight loss surgery New Orleans seminar" Considerably less websites popped up, but it was still a lot to go through. Of the sites, I found only one that had a seminar that both Silverfox and I could attend, and was in network for our health coverage.
I looked around their site a bit before actually making the reservation for the seminar (reservations are required, as doctors like to keep the seminars small so that everyone attending will have an opportunity to ask all the questions they have). The site gives a lot of success stories, and tells you quite a bit about the various surgeries available now. The whole process is quite a bit more refined from when Silverfox had her surgery, and the recovery times are much shorter. I like that they also put an emphasis on making an informed decision, so I signed up for a seminar next week. We'll see how it goes.
I've also made a decision not to tell anyone about my decision other than Silverfox. One of the things she had to deal with before her surgery was friends and family telling her that she was making a mistake. I've finally come to grips with the idea of needing medical intervention about my weight, and the last thing I need is my Mom trying to talk me out of it.
One of the things I was immediately struck by was the barrage of information that hits you when you do a search on "weight loss surgery" on google. Literally thousands of sites and ads come up, very few of which were actually telling me information I could use, like what doctors in my area I need to seek out or what the next step from having an interest in the surgery is.
Fortunately, the ever-incredible Silverfox was there for me in my moment of need. My wife went through a full-on gastric bypass years ago, primarily because she was having trouble conceiving children. One of the side affects of the surgery is that it basically forces your body to reset your hormone levels, and in Silverfoxes case, it totally worked. Short stuff was born a little over a year after the surgery.
"The first step," Silverfox told me, "Is to attend a seminar about the surgery. Then if you are still willing to go through with it, they have you meet with a psychologist, and with a support group of people that have had the surgery."
So I narrowed down my search to "Weight loss surgery New Orleans seminar" Considerably less websites popped up, but it was still a lot to go through. Of the sites, I found only one that had a seminar that both Silverfox and I could attend, and was in network for our health coverage.
I looked around their site a bit before actually making the reservation for the seminar (reservations are required, as doctors like to keep the seminars small so that everyone attending will have an opportunity to ask all the questions they have). The site gives a lot of success stories, and tells you quite a bit about the various surgeries available now. The whole process is quite a bit more refined from when Silverfox had her surgery, and the recovery times are much shorter. I like that they also put an emphasis on making an informed decision, so I signed up for a seminar next week. We'll see how it goes.
I've also made a decision not to tell anyone about my decision other than Silverfox. One of the things she had to deal with before her surgery was friends and family telling her that she was making a mistake. I've finally come to grips with the idea of needing medical intervention about my weight, and the last thing I need is my Mom trying to talk me out of it.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
The Message from the Future
Last night, a very curious thing happened... I received a message from my future self. It may have been a defining moment in my life, if the images I've been presented are true.
First, let me tell you about myself... I'm a forty year old Italian American, living in post-Katrina New Orleans. I'm 6'2", roughly 475 pounds, and working on my second marriage to an extraordinary woman I will call Silverfox. I have two stepsons, Short stuff and Pint Size, whom I absolutely adore, and I am trying my hardest to become a professional writer.
All my life, I have struggled with my weight. Perhaps 'struggled' is too strong a word, because until recently, I've never viewed my weight as an actual problem... in many ways, it's defined who I am. Being big has been a part of who i am for so long, that I simply can't imagine my life any other way. I like to think that the depth of the friendships I've been blessed with over the years have largely been a function of my size. It's like "you must be at least this accepting of my appearance to ride this ride" to become friends with me. It's kept the shallow people in my life at bay without me having to find out about them the hard way.
I will admit, I've also come to enjoy my role in the lives of others as the "fat and funny friend". I've tried to always carry myself with a sense of pride and dignity about my size, despite the continual barrage of messages from the society around me that I should be slimmer, smaller, and more concerned about fitting in with the rest of the world. There are drawbacks to being big... It's difficult fro me to fly on a standard airline... Amusement park rides generally are not designed for someone of my carriage, and it can be a bitch to find clothes in my size. Over the years, I have simply adapted to these challenges, and done my best to remain fit, despite my extra pounds.
Heh... it's difficult for me not to write "extra tonnage" there... I came to the realization a few weeks ago that now that I'm approaching 500 lbs, my weight can be accurately expressed in tonnage for the first time in my life. There's a quarter of a ton of me now.
In the past few weeks, I've also started having health issues I've never had before... and as a reasonable man, I have to accept that these new issues are primarily because of my size, not my age. My back has been bothering me in a way that it never has before, and expelling waste has become increasingly painful. (No, I won't go into more detail) I have sleep apenea, which causes me to have to sleep with a Cpap machine strapped to my face to keep from snoring.
All of this have gotten me to thinking lately about having weight loss surgery. My wife had it years ago, and has often said it was the best decision she's ever made... but I've always felt that having the surgery would make me a quitter... If I was going to shed the pounds, then the way to do it was through better diet and exercise. Nothing worth having is ever easy, after all... and I wanted to know that I had done this amazing thing myself... with no help.
The thing is, I've tried that... and it hasn't worked. Now with my back issues rearing their ugly head, I'm having trouble exercising without severe pain. So, me and Silverfox have started talking about the surgery again. I have been waffling because I'm not sure that I'm emotionally ready to throw in the towel about my own ability to handle my weight issues on my own.
This morning, that's all changed.
For years, i have had precognitive dreams. They are a neat phenomena, but never tell me anything useful. I usually become aware of them in terms of deja-vu, recognizing the scene that is happening around me, and remembering the dream that showed it to me as much as three years before. Things like sitting at the desk at a job I haven't gotten yet, hanging out in the backyard of a friends house that he has yet to buy, and driving the kids to school in a car we don't own yet are the kinds of things that show up in these dreams. Like I say, cool... but generally useless information.
Last night was different... I think that I may have made my first attempt to send myself a deliberate message from the future, and it was about having the weight loss surgery. My future self was telling me that i shouldn't be afraid of having the surgery... and that it will improve my life in ways that I haven't even begun to consider. It will be far easier than I currently believe, and taht I will come out the other side of the experience better for it. In the dream, I made it a point to look at myself in the mirror to show the me of the past that although I will look a lot different, it will still be me looking back from the mirror, wearing a brown sweater and jeans. I also gave myself a good look at Short Stuff, who was about six inches taller than he is now, playing in my aunt's back yard. When I told Silverfox about the dream, she said that was probably my way of letting myself know the time frame... about 2-3 years from now. She also told me I needed to send back some lottery numbers.
I love my wife.
(oddly enough, the last thing I said to myself was, "oh... and those lottery numbers are 8, 24,... no... sorry, chum. I don't think so. That's not what this message is for." Nice to know my sense of humor is intact in the future.)
I figure that there are two ways to look at the "message". Either it was a genuine message from the future, and I need to take it seriously, or my subconsciousness is trying to tell me that I'm ready to have the surgery.
Either way, the "dream" has made up my mind for me... I'm going to seriously pursue losing my extra weight through surgery.
First, let me tell you about myself... I'm a forty year old Italian American, living in post-Katrina New Orleans. I'm 6'2", roughly 475 pounds, and working on my second marriage to an extraordinary woman I will call Silverfox. I have two stepsons, Short stuff and Pint Size, whom I absolutely adore, and I am trying my hardest to become a professional writer.
All my life, I have struggled with my weight. Perhaps 'struggled' is too strong a word, because until recently, I've never viewed my weight as an actual problem... in many ways, it's defined who I am. Being big has been a part of who i am for so long, that I simply can't imagine my life any other way. I like to think that the depth of the friendships I've been blessed with over the years have largely been a function of my size. It's like "you must be at least this accepting of my appearance to ride this ride" to become friends with me. It's kept the shallow people in my life at bay without me having to find out about them the hard way.
I will admit, I've also come to enjoy my role in the lives of others as the "fat and funny friend". I've tried to always carry myself with a sense of pride and dignity about my size, despite the continual barrage of messages from the society around me that I should be slimmer, smaller, and more concerned about fitting in with the rest of the world. There are drawbacks to being big... It's difficult fro me to fly on a standard airline... Amusement park rides generally are not designed for someone of my carriage, and it can be a bitch to find clothes in my size. Over the years, I have simply adapted to these challenges, and done my best to remain fit, despite my extra pounds.
Heh... it's difficult for me not to write "extra tonnage" there... I came to the realization a few weeks ago that now that I'm approaching 500 lbs, my weight can be accurately expressed in tonnage for the first time in my life. There's a quarter of a ton of me now.
In the past few weeks, I've also started having health issues I've never had before... and as a reasonable man, I have to accept that these new issues are primarily because of my size, not my age. My back has been bothering me in a way that it never has before, and expelling waste has become increasingly painful. (No, I won't go into more detail) I have sleep apenea, which causes me to have to sleep with a Cpap machine strapped to my face to keep from snoring.
All of this have gotten me to thinking lately about having weight loss surgery. My wife had it years ago, and has often said it was the best decision she's ever made... but I've always felt that having the surgery would make me a quitter... If I was going to shed the pounds, then the way to do it was through better diet and exercise. Nothing worth having is ever easy, after all... and I wanted to know that I had done this amazing thing myself... with no help.
The thing is, I've tried that... and it hasn't worked. Now with my back issues rearing their ugly head, I'm having trouble exercising without severe pain. So, me and Silverfox have started talking about the surgery again. I have been waffling because I'm not sure that I'm emotionally ready to throw in the towel about my own ability to handle my weight issues on my own.
This morning, that's all changed.
For years, i have had precognitive dreams. They are a neat phenomena, but never tell me anything useful. I usually become aware of them in terms of deja-vu, recognizing the scene that is happening around me, and remembering the dream that showed it to me as much as three years before. Things like sitting at the desk at a job I haven't gotten yet, hanging out in the backyard of a friends house that he has yet to buy, and driving the kids to school in a car we don't own yet are the kinds of things that show up in these dreams. Like I say, cool... but generally useless information.
Last night was different... I think that I may have made my first attempt to send myself a deliberate message from the future, and it was about having the weight loss surgery. My future self was telling me that i shouldn't be afraid of having the surgery... and that it will improve my life in ways that I haven't even begun to consider. It will be far easier than I currently believe, and taht I will come out the other side of the experience better for it. In the dream, I made it a point to look at myself in the mirror to show the me of the past that although I will look a lot different, it will still be me looking back from the mirror, wearing a brown sweater and jeans. I also gave myself a good look at Short Stuff, who was about six inches taller than he is now, playing in my aunt's back yard. When I told Silverfox about the dream, she said that was probably my way of letting myself know the time frame... about 2-3 years from now. She also told me I needed to send back some lottery numbers.
I love my wife.
(oddly enough, the last thing I said to myself was, "oh... and those lottery numbers are 8, 24,... no... sorry, chum. I don't think so. That's not what this message is for." Nice to know my sense of humor is intact in the future.)
I figure that there are two ways to look at the "message". Either it was a genuine message from the future, and I need to take it seriously, or my subconsciousness is trying to tell me that I'm ready to have the surgery.
Either way, the "dream" has made up my mind for me... I'm going to seriously pursue losing my extra weight through surgery.
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